Re: Software Update Problem

["**** ****" <***@***.com>]

Logan Black wrote in message <191020002013439725%logansb@volfan.net>...
>I have a client that is having a problem with the Software Update
>control panel.  He states that a dialog box will come up with
>checkboxes, but nothing to the right of them, so he doesn't know what
>he is downloading.  He is running OS 9.0.4.
>
>Thanks for any suggestions or hints!


Logan,
    As a matter of fact, I consider myself quite the Macintosh/System 9
expert. And as it turns out, I know *exactly* what their problem is. More
so, I even have a very simple solution, so tell me what you think of this.

Problem:
    Client has hired or contracted someone for computer support, that can't
distinguish between an 'apple II' newsgroup and for instance, let's say... a
'macintosh newsgroup'. Now, when contracting out for such work, it's often
difficult to decide which firm or contractor is the best choice, or as far
as that goes, which are even competent. In this fast-paced industry, things
change so quickly that even the best can hardly keep up, and worse, there
are always sneaky con men trying to wriggle their way into this field. Who,
with any level of accuracy, can tell which is which? Once in awhile they
even fool me. But this time, I'm pretty certain that I can spot the
charlatan.

Solution:
    Call your client up at the earliest possible convenience. Explain to
them how much of a dumbass you are, and how utterly ashamed you are to have
ever pretended to know something about 'computers'. Tell them that if they
had just been a bit less demanding, and had opted for a more generic/shoddy
platform, such as Windows on Intel, they might never have caught you, even
though it is no excuse for the incredibly low and contemptible fraud you
have committed. Tell them that maybe if they could give you some extra time,
you might be able to find the registry editor, or the start menu button, and
accidentally fix this bug. Above all else, beg their forgiveness, and pray
that they don't try to sue you for breach of contract or some kind of
professional liability. Pack your things, run to some place far, far away.
Live under an assumed name, and try to hide from your past which is only an
extended history of stupidity, freakishness, and disregard for the anything
resembling common sense or honesty.
    Oh. You might want to put them in touch with me, also, if you are
feeling particularly guilty. I can always use extra work, and it shouldn't
take me more than an hour or two's worth of research on Apple's site. If
that fails to turn up a problem, I have been known to be able to track
things down to a particular library, executable or configuration setting
even without outside help. Have they recently used an OS update, or
installed any new software, or for that matter, even deleted or moved files
since this phenomena started occuring? Has this panel always acted like
this, since the computer was purrchased? Have you considered that they may
have a corrrupt font? Are you sterile, or do we as citizens and human beings
have to fear that you may be reproducing, spreading these lame and
degenerate genes all over the globe?

    That's it. Simple, huh? You'll get the hang of these sorts of problems
soon enough, but until then, feel free to use a totally inappropriate and
irrelevant usenet forum as your crutch. Stop by next week, when my scheduled
lecture is "Macintosh Keyboards: Why Breaking off Two Pins Inside the PC
Keyboard does not Automatically Turn it into an ADB". Til then, take care
and have fun!

Thanks,
John Oyler