Comp.sys.apple2 chronicles, the Randy years.

[pubpc1@library.ucla.edu]

The 1988 Volkswagen Convocation is here.  Proud defiant
Beetle owners crowd the park as they show off their
gleaming Beetles.  Let's drop in on a conversation...

<Henrik Gudat> I made this special tool, Symbolix Beetle,
     for detailing the Beetle.  Look how nice my car
     looks.
<Joe Kohn>  It looks brand new!  You are a genius, Henrik.
<Henrik Gudat>  Yep.  My collegues and I have built a
     Beetle emulator too.  You can use the kit to turn
     your Ford Escort into a Beetle lookalike.
<Joe Kohn>  Amazing.  I'm running a full time business
     selling Beetle parts to diehard owners.
<Mitchell Spector>  Thanks to this group, I discovered
     my Beetle still has life.  I've added an accelerator:
     the Zip Beetle supercharger.  The little Beetle now
     gets 0-60mph in 7 seconds.
<Nathan Mates>  I've designed a GUPP piston replacement
     to let the Beetle engine operate with unleaded fuel.
     Damn short sighted of Volkswagen not to design
     proper pistons for future fuels.
<Scott G.>  I managed to put a mini 8-cylinder engine
     in the Beetle.  It really Zips!
<Nathan Mates>  The 8-cylinder will have problems running
     on a Beetle.  The tires are too narrow and you
     can't get all that torque to the road.
<Scott G.>  Nate, that's only true if you have regular
     tires.  If you have a set of Ramfast-D Super-radials,
     8-cylinders would work just fine.
<Dr. Tom>  Look at the neat quadraphonic stereo in my
     Beetle.  I got it from an abandoned car.
<Richard Benett>  Was that car really abandoned, Turkey?
     You ass.
<Mitchell Spector>  Now, now, we are all friends here.
     Hey Richard, you finally learned the true
     pronunciation of ass (you used to say ars  :)

Just then, interrupting this fun gathering, Randy
Shakelford comes in driving his newfangled Mercedes
followed by B.J. Major in her BMW.

<Randy Shackelford>  I drive my Mercedes for all my
     real transportation these days.  I'm not going
     to spend another penny on my Beetle.  I still
     keep it as a doorstop.  German carmakers can
     do no wrong.  The Mercedes is the best car in
     the world.  It has no faults.  The Beetle can't
     drive on the highway and it can't do anything the
     new cars can.  Face it, you idiots, the Germans
     were right to cancel the Beetle.  I still keep
     my Beetle because my dog likes to poop on the
     seat cusions and I like to play by ragging on
     it in Volkswagen Convocations.
<Mitchell Spector>  My supercharged Beetle can run
     on the highway just fine!
<Randy Shakelford>  I won't justify that with an
     answer.
<B.J. Major>  Yeh, we love the Beetle AND the BMW
     and Mercedes.  Each have their USES!

Joe, Henrik, Dr. Tom, Nate, and Scott look across
the lawn to see a rusted Beetle, falling apart,
filled with trash.

<B.J. Major>  I use my beamer for everything, but
     my Beetle is still useful for carrying trash.
<Nathan Mates>  You need paint on that car to
     protect it.
<B.J. Major>  Why, I got it at a thrift shop.  It
     never came with paint.
<Mitchell Spector>  It came with beautiful paint
     from the factory originally.
<B.J. Major>  NO!  NO!  NO!  It never came with
     paint and doesn't need it.  End of conversation!

Randy does not want to be outdone.  He wants to
show his irrational hatred of the Beetle too.  Joe
tries to restrain him, but Randy knocks him out and
shouts:

<Randy Shackelford>  Idiots!  You can't use a Beetle
     to do anything MODERN.  It is an OBSOLETE car.
     Why buy anything for it.  Why buy a supercharger
     for it, Mitchell?  Why convert it for unleaded
     fuel, Nate?  Why sell products for it, Joe?
     Who'd want to buy new tires for it, Scott.  You
     guys are nuts.
<Scott G.>  With a supercharger, an 8-cylinder engine,
     and Ramfast tires, this little Beetle can beat
     any Mercedes from the olden days!
<Randy Shakelford>  Why are you fools so loyal to it?
<Nathan Mates>  Look, Randy, this is the VOLKSWAGEN
     BEETLE group, understand.  We don't talk about
     Mercedes here.  If you weren't so blinded by your
     faith in Mercedes, you'd see that.
<Randy Shakelford>  Mercedes is great.  Mercedes is
     on a holy war to crush the evil alliance of
     American and Japanese cars lead by the evil
     Gill Gates and the Autosoft Consortium.

And so Randy continues to spam the Beetle group while
all around the group of Beetle lovers, spamers are
repeating the same tired words: can't even buy a
Beetle and OBSOLETE and CAN'T DO ANYTHING and so on.

Let's stop saying what our Beetles can't do and
work to expand what it can do, ok?  And Randy, stop
spaming this Volkswagen group with Mercedes trash!

-Scott G.