Son of Flame-o-rama (was Re: ZipGS 12MHz on ROM 01?)

[irsman@iastate.edu (Ian Schmidt)]

[Satellite of Love.  Tom and Crow are surrounded by circuit boards and the
case and power supply of an 8088 PC.]

<Tom> Ya know, Apple at least has dealers that do this FOR you.
<Crow> Shut up, you can't play Wolf 3D on a Mac!  Once I put in this 486DX2/66
motherboard, I'm going to rule the world!
<Magic Voice> Commercial sign in 15 seconds.
<Tom> Not with the PowerPCs coming out.
<Crow> Like there's any native software for those.
<Magic Voice> Commercial sign in 5...4...2...3..1...Commercial sign now.

[Zima, Zima, and more Mentos.]
[Back to the SOL...Joel wanders in]

<Joel> Hey guys, what's up?
<Tom> Dumbbeak here is trying to turn his ancient 8088 into a 486.  I'm
offering insightful commentary.
<Joel> You know, a side benefit is that I can feed you guys the RAMchips from
the 8088 since the 486 uses SIMMs.
<Tom and Crow> YUM!!!!!!!!!!

[beep beep!]

<Joel> Oh thrill, Tonya and Nancy are calling.

[Joel hits the button.  Deep 13]

<Dr. F> Very funny, Mike Judge.  Got an invention for us?

[SOL]

<Joel> Yeah, we have the Generation X Wheel of Angst.  Observe.
[camera pulls back to reveal a vertical wheel of fortune with spaces like
"shoot self in head" and "I'm rich, I'm famous, I'm stoned".  Joel gives the
wheel a few playful spins.]

[Deep 13]

<Dr. F> My invention is inspired by the 'pain belt' you may have seen recently
on the TV news.  However, I gave it a brilliant twist.  Observe, the cream pie
belt!

[Frank lumbers in wearing a belt with a large buckle.  Dr. F pushes a button
on a remote control, and a cream pie flies up out of the buckle, hitting Frank
squarely in the face.]

<Dr. F> Ha ha!  Isn't that great?

[SOL]

<Tom> Yeah, a regular laugh riot.
<Joel> Creme pies were overdone 50 years ago.  Give it a rest.

[Deep 13]

<Dr. F> As you wish.  Today's experiment is a long, badly-formatted, and at
times downright incoherent flame-fest from our pal Daniel Perlberger.
Bon-appe-die!!!

[SOL. The usual flashing lights.]

<All> Ahhhhhhhhhh!  We have posting sign!

[1..2..3..4..5..6]
[Theater]

In article <1994Apr29.180510.189253@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu> dp02@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (DANIEL PERLBERGER) writes:

<Tom> Here they come, here come the bastards...

> Oh, I've been reading all of the responses.  And I have learned a few things.

<Crow> Oh my god, he's learned not just one thing, but a FEW things!

> First of all, you view your precious IIGS as some all-powerful deity.

<Crow> *Indian voice* Do not upset great god IIgs, Memsahib.  Bad things
happen then.

>                                                                       If
> someone even dares say anything against it, then they go ballistic on that
> person.  I was not insulting anyone in particular...I was just commenting on
> a piece of machinery..lighten up!

<Tom> Hey now!  I'm very fond of pieces of machinery.
<Crow> Yeah, me too! *sticks his butt at the screen*  Machine THIS, buddy!

>                                    And, I didn't just write the comment to
> get everyone upset.

<Joel> Ohhh, just the readers of comp.sys.apple2, huh?

>                       I like a heated debate..that is why I have taken the
> time and responded in full to all the people that wrote e-mail messages to me
> (and there has been quite a few).  You people take this computer a little too
> seriously.

<Crow> You're the one who went out of your way to flame it.

>             Now to shortly discuss some of the points I read on the group.
> First of all, I did not own a IIe (thank God...or would you say thank IIGS?)
> and I am not in II withdrawal.  I owned a
> IIGS when it first came out around '86 and at first I kinda liked it.  That
> was before I learned anything about computers...I really really started to
> hate the thing.

<Tom> Sex with it was horrible, my dick was too small to make a good fit in
the slots.
<Crow> *Butt-head voice* huh-huh, you said "dick".
<Joel> Settle down, kiddies.  Leave penile insults to Richard Wifall.

>                  It was so so so slow.  But even if it was the fastest
> machine on Earth, I would have still hated it because I could not find
> software anywhere I looked..I mean anywhere..some stores might have 2 or 3
> titles ..but that was it...

<Crow> Oddly enough, my store had dozens of GS titles back in '87 and '88.
<Tom> Maybe he messed up and thought the TRS-80 titles were GS ones?

>                             And now, when I go to the biggest and brightest
> software stores, there is not ONE title available for the IIGS.  That is a
> definate fact.

<Tom> As opposed to my other facts, which are iffy.

>                 But anyways, when I first used a 386sx 16, I was in awe at
> how

<Crow> Pathetically slow it was.

>     fast it was in comparison to my IIGS.

<Crow> No way!  Just TRY windoze on one, and compare to the GS Finder.

>                                           Anyone with any kind of sense will
> not even attempt to compare a IIGS with any less than a 286.  A 12 MHZ IIGS
> is very far from being a 40MHZ 386...I don't know what dream world you live
> on, but I live on the one where the IIGS craaaaaawls.

<Tom> DreamWorld is cool.  But in this world, (Earth for those of you in Rio
Linda), a 65816 is more efficient than any pre-486 or 040 CISC CPU.
<Crow> And the cool part is, most dreamworlds are laid out that way too.

>                                                        I don't care if you
> put a 30 MHZ board in your IIGS, it could not perform in the same efficiency
> of say a 33MHZ 386DX.This is simply because of the architechture of the two
> computers.

<Tom> Yeah, the 386 is in an 8-bit architecture designed for the 8088, so it's
much more powerful than the GS.

>            But before I begin discussing this...let me first say that even a
> 386 is now obsolete in most people's minds..so a IIGS is beyond even the word
> "obsolete".  But anyways, a IIGS is nothing more than an upgraded Apple IIe
> in design...Yes, it is technically a 16-bit computer; however, it is a very
> early and simplified version of the 16-bit computer.  386's (DX's) are full
> 32-bit computers.

<Crow> Just not the bus.

>                    Therefore to state that the IIGS with a 12MHZ speed and it
> being 16-bit is as fast as a 32-bit 40MHZ 386 is absurd.  Anyone I mention
> this to starts laughting.  I mentioned to a few people about some comments I
> received that a IIGS is as good as a 486..and they burst out in laughter...

<Tom> Blessed are the ignorant, for they shall be destined to suck.

>                                                                            To
> be fair, maybe a low-end 286 is about equal to an accelerated IIGS.  But that
> is not even the main reason why the IIGS really sucks.  IT is the software
> support (or rather the software non-support).  I don't care what fictional,
> no-name companies are named to me...

<Crow> I'll let Jawaid take a swipe at this one.

>                                     I still know that if I want any kind of
> software imaginable, I can get it in a snap with my PC.  With my IIGS, I
> never could get anything...

<Tom> Ho ho, the truth comes out.  He couldn't get any when he had a GS, so
he's blaming the computer.
<Crow> When in actuality, it's his ltsy-Bitsy Weenie.

>                             it was very frustrating.  And, any software that
> might be produced for the IIGS is not going to be even close to the quality
> of the software that is developed for today's computers.

<Tom> Uhoh, I sense a setup.

>                                                          You can disagree
> with this all you want, but this is a fact.  When a large, well-known ,
> respectable company (not Vitesse or some private developers,etc.) develops
> software on a standard platform like Intel's x86 design, it is going to be
> the highest quality possible.

<Crow> Two words.  Microsoft Windows.
<Tom> I knew it!

>                               The IIGS, while running its cut down versions
> of software, possibly could be bearable in speed.

<Crow> Oddly enough, MasterTracks Pro on the GS was identical to the Mac
version sold at the time.  And it runs pretty nicely.  Go figure.
<Tom> At the same time, a woman in Wisconsin...oh, forget it.

>                                                   But I guaratee you if you
> tried to run any of the PC software developed today (that is if it was
> compatible) , the IIGS would probably have a massive coronary and die a messy
> death.  But I do agree with one person's comment that I saw on here.  Someone
> said that they have their IIGS at home and they use other systems like PC's,
> etc. at work for speed-intesive purposes.  Then he said, "why do I need such 
> a PC at home when I have my IIGS?"  You don't!!! That is my point.  If the 
> IIGS is going to be used for little, light tasks like simplified word
> processing,

<Tom> Yeah, full-size WordPerfect definitely isn't up to real word processing.

>             database functions, games, etc., then by all means use the IIGS.
>  But like this guy is doing, when you need a real job done, go to a real
> computer.  I say, any computer that can be upgraded from a IIe is not a 
> real, powerful computer.  And just in case you didn't know, Apple used to 
> offer to IIe owners an upgrade kit from IIe to IIGS (full upgrade).  Any
> real cojputers like Pc's could never be upgraded from a little shitty 8-bit 
> Apple II computer,

<Tom> But you CAN upgrade to a 'modern, powerful' PC from a 4 Mhz 8088, which 
is actually slower than an 8-bit Apple II.  Go figure.

>                    but your magical, wonderful god-like computer definately
> can.  Yeah, this computer ranks up there with 32-bit Pc's..uh uh..ok..sure...
> Well, that's about it...I just didn't want to leave you folks hanging.

<Crow> Hanging?  There he goes again with the penile inadaqacy thing.
<Joel> Uhh, but you two don't even have a penis.
<Tom and Crow> We'll get you later for that one.

>                                                                         But
> the most important thing, it is only a computer.

<Tom> Only a computer?  ONLY A COMPUTER???? I'll tar and gzip his carbon-based
hide!

>                                                    It is not the end of the
> world if someone comes to your group and actually talks down to your
> allmighty god.

<Crow> Boy is it ever on alt.religion.kibology though.

>                 Hate to tell you this folks, but there is life after the 
> IIGS. (a much better, quicker, more productive life actually)

<Crow> Yeah, there will be, once I finish putting my new 486 together.
<Tom> In an original PC case, though?  According to this guy, it's a symbol of
shame to be associated with an earlier compatible machine.
<Crow> Imagine what he'd think of Macs then, compatible back to the 128k
model.
<Joel> Will you two shut up?  I'm trying to listen to ProTracker on my Amiga.


>                                            Dan

> P.S.  The more you use foul language

<Crow> Fuck shit satan hell sex drugs rape!

>                                      and simple insults

<Tom> Dan leaves Peoria at noon travelling west-northwest at 635 miles per
hour.
<Crow> While at the same time, Dan's penis leaves travelling east-northeast 
at Mach 2.
<Tom and Crow> When will Dan realize he's dickless and buy another PC to
compensate?

>                                                         to answer my posts,
> the more you are making yourselves look bad.  This is just an opinion

<Crow> And a pretty pointless one, at that.

> (even though 99% of the computer world would agree with me!)  But, thanks for
> the intelligent responses I did get in e-mail.  It was interesting discussing
> the topic.

[6..5..4..3..2..1]

<Crow> Boy, I'm glad THAT's over.  It sucked worse than an entire Apple dealer
full of Macintoshes.
<Tom> You mean an entire no-name mail-order place full of PCs.
<Joel> You mean anyplace which doesn't have an Amiga.

[blink blink]

<Joel> Oh great, it's Bill and Hillary. *click*

[Deep 13]

<Dr. F> Did you enjoy our little feature?

[SOL]

<Joel> Kinda bored me to see the bots duking it out over some lame machine.
Everyone knows the Amiga rules.
<Tom> No, everyone knows Macs do.
<Crow> No, PCs!  Macs suck your grandmother's breasts!
<Joel> Guys, guys, settle down.

[Deep 13]

<Dr. F> Oh goodie, I've really gotten those little tin soldiers of yours upset
this time.  I'll have to note that for later use.  But for now, push the
button, Frank...

[Pan to Frank, who's playing "Demon Attack" on an Atari 2600]

<Frank> Do I have to?  I'm about to get a record high score!
<Dr. F> Yes, you do.  I'm in charge. 

[Dr. F hits a button, and creme pies fly into Frank's face, causing GAME
OVER.]

<Frank> Awwww.

[Frank wipes his face off and gets up and hits the button.]


---
[Disclaimer:  Mystery Science Theatre 3000 and it's characters are copyright
Best Brains, Inc.  Any resemblence to actual people is purely a coincidence.
Apple and Macintosh are trademarks of Apple Computer, Inc.  Demon Attack is a
trademark of Imagic.  All other trademarks belong to their owners.  This work
is public domain.]
-- 
Ian Schmidt / irsman@iastate.edu / irsman@cs.iastate.edu
"Though we know that time has wings, we're the ones that have to fly" -Peart