Newest Craze! Fether-Filtering replaces FLAMMING!

[irsman@iastate.edu (Ian Schmidt)]

Following in the footsteps of Rich ``FAXplosion'' Wifall, here is not one but
4 different versions of Jon Fether's post run via common filters.  They are
in approximate order with the funniest one last.

First, the 'valspeak' version.

Article 54335 of comp.sys.apple2:
Path: news.iastate.edu!  Gag me with a SPOOOOON!newsrelay.iastate.edu!  Gag me with a SPOOOOON!ux1.cso.uiuc.edu!  Gag me with a SPOOOOON!sdd.hp.com!  Gag me with a pitchfork!network.ucsd.edu!  Gag me with a pitchfork!mvb.saic.com!  Gag me with a SPOOOOON!unogate!  Oh, wow!news.service.uci.edu!  Gag me with a pitchfork!cerritos.edu!  Oh, wow!wilbur!  Gag me with a pitchfork!qed!  Oh, wow!jon
Newsgroups: comp.sys.apple2
Subject: 2 year olds on thuh net.
Message-ID: <gqo03B1w165w@qedbbs.com>
From: jon@qedbbs.com (Jonathan Fether)
Date: 9 May 93 05:21:27 GMT
Sender: bbs@qed.UUCP
Organization: The QED BBS, fer shure, Lakewood CA
Lines: 25

I feel like I'm talkin' to a group of 90% 2 year olds who think that they
deserve respect (Of whom, like, wow, most of thuh time, mostly, I respect them
and read their posts) some deal of these 2 year olds apparently have more
respect for FVnet (Thet's where they are!  Gag me with a SPOOOOON!) than for
me. I am a human bein' and I do realise guys decided to read posts by 1
year-olds (Hereby referred to as FETHER-FLAMMERS) and suddenly decided to
listen to them and plug their ears on me. Of thuh few I've noticed do this is
Joe Kohn. Now now, man, what would happen if our computer's DOC did not read
$C05X because some program told it not to? Of course our computer would crash.
I don't want to see C.S.A2 crash. So please act more like adults (Joe Kohn is
ya know, like, one) and pay attention to everybody.

And... RFD: comp.system.apple2.flamewars

Due to high amounts of FETHER-FLAMMING on thuh net, like, I propose that we
give the 2-year-olds a crib called "comp.sys.apple2.flamewars". The poor
intellect of these 2-year-olds is ya know, like, deterioratin' from thuh
intellegent posts.

If you're offended by this, like, wow, your diaper needs changin', mostly,
Sculley-liker!  Oh, wow!

(C) People for thuh Apple IIgs, fer shure, Ink.
Jon Fether                 thisnet: jon@qedbbs.com (Fast)
May John Sculley be killed cheapnet:jon@qed.cts.com
by one of his own!  Gag me with a SPOOOOON! (Macs!  Gag me with a pitchfork!) 
TEAM-NET:#32@TA

Now a 'fudd' version, which simulates Elmer Fudd.

Awticwe 54335 of comp.sys.appwe2:
Pad: news.iastate.edu!newsweway.iastate.edu!ux1.cso.uiuc.edu!sdd.hp.com!netwowk.ucsd.edu!mvb.saic.com!unogate!news.sewvice.uci.edu!cewwitos.edu!wiwbuw!qed!jon
Newsgwoups: comp.sys.appwe2
Subject: 2 yeaw owds on de net.
Message-ID: <gqo03B1w165w@qedbbs.com>
Fwom: jon@qedbbs.com (Jonadan Fedew)
Date: 9 May 93 05:21:27 GMT
Sendew: bbs@qed.UUCP
Owganization: De QED BBS, Wakewood CA
Wines: 25

I feew wike I'm tawking to a gwoup of 90% 2 yeaw owds who dink dat dey desewve
wespect (Of whom, most of de time, I wespect dem and wead deiw posts) some
deaw of dese 2 yeaw owds appawentwy have mowe wespect fow FVnet (Det's whewe
dey awe!) dan fow me. I am a human being and I do weawise peopwe decided to
wead posts by 1 yeaw-owds (Heweby wefewwed to as FEDEW-FWAMMEWS) and suddenwy
decided to wisten to dem and pwug deiw eaws on me. Of de few I've noticed do
dis is Joe Kohn, uh-hah-hah-hah.  Now now, what wouwd happen if ouw computew's
DOC did not wead $C05X because some pwogwam towd it not to? Of couwse ouw
computew wouwd cwash. I don't want to see C.S.A2 cwash. So pwease act mowe
wike aduwts (Joe Kohn is one) and pay attention to evewybody.

And... WFD: comp.system.appwe2.fwamewaws

Due to high amounts of FEDEW-FWAMMING on de net, I pwopose dat we give 
de 2-yeaw-owds a cwib cawwed "comp.sys.appwe2.fwamewaws". De poow 
intewwect of dese 2-yeaw-owds is detewiowating fwom de intewwegent 
posts. 

If you'we offended by dis, youw diapew needs changing, Scuwwey-wikew!

(C) Peopwe fow de Appwe IIgs, Ink.
Jon Fedew                 disnet: jon@qedbbs.com (Fast)
May John Scuwwey be kiwwed cheapnet:jon@qed.cts.com
by one of his own! (Macs!) TEAM-NET:#32@TA

Next, 'chef', which simulates the Swedish Chef from the Muppets.

Erteecle-a 54335 ooff cump.sys.epple-a2:
Pet: noos.iestete-a.idoo!noosreley.iestete-a.idoo!ux1.csu.ueeooc.idoo!sdd.hp.cum!netvurk.ucsd.idoo!mfb.seeec.cum!unugete-a!noos.serfeece-a.ucee.idoo!cerreetus.idoo!veelboor!qed!jun
Noosgruoops: cump.sys.epple-a2
Soobject: 2 yeer oolds oon zee net.
Bork Bork Bork!
Messege-a-ID: <gqu03B1v165v@qedbbs.cum>
Frum: jun@qedbbs.cum (Junethun Fezeer)
Dete-a: 9 Mey 93 05:21:27 GMT
Sender: bbs@qed.UOoCP
Oorguneezeshun: Zee QED BBS, Lekoouud CA
Leenes: 25

I feel leeke-a I'm telkeeng tu a gruoop ooff 90% 2 yeer oolds vhu theenk thet
zeey deserfe-a respect (Ooff vhum, must ooff zee teeme-a, I respect zeem und
reed zeeur pusts) sume-a deel ooff zeese-a 2 yeer oolds epperently hefe-a
mure-a respect fur FFnet (Zeet's vhere-a zeey ere-a!) thun fur me-a. I em a
hoomun beeeng und I du reeleese-a peuple-a deceeded tu reed pusts by 1
yeer-oolds (Hereby refferred tu es FETHER-FLEMMERS) und sooddenly deceeded tu
leestee tu zeem und ploog zeeur iers oon me-a. Ooff zee foo I'fe-a nuteeced du
thees is Jue-a Kuhn. Noo noo, vhet vuoold heppee iff oooor cumpooter's DOC
deed nut reed $C05X becoose-a sume-a prugrem tuld it nut tu? Ooff cuoorse-a
oooor cumpooter vuoold cresh. I dun't vunt tu see-a C.S.A2 cresh. Su pleese-a
ect mure-a leeke-a edoolts (Jue-a Kuhn is oone-a) und pey ettenshun tu
iferybudy.

Und... RFD: cump.system.epple-a2.flemooers

Dooe-a tu heegh emuoonts ooff FETHER-FLEMMING oon zee net, I prupuse-a thet
ve-a geefe-a zee 2-yeer-oolds a creeb celled "cump.sys.epple-a2.flemooers".
Zee puur intellect ooff zeese-a 2-yeer-oolds is detereeureting frum zee
intellegent pusts.

Iff yuoo're-a ooffffended by thees, yuoor deeeper needs chungeeng, Scoolley-leeker!

(C) Peuple-a fur zee Epple-a IIgs, Ink.
Bork Bork Bork!
Jun Fezeer                 theesnet: jun@qedbbs.cum (Fest)
Mey Juhn Scoolley be-a keelled cheepnet:jun@qed.cts.cum
by oone-a ooff hees oovn! (Mecs!) TEEM-NET:#32@TA

And finally, 'biff', which simulates a person not unlike Fether himself, a
13-year-old with a VIC-20 and no lowercase :)


ART1CEL 54335 0F C0MP.5YS.APPEL2:
PATH: NEW5.1A5TATE.EDU!NEWSRELAY.IASTATE.EDU!UX1.C50.U1UC.EDU!5DD.HP.C0M!NETWERK.UC5D.EDU!MVB.SAIK.C0M!UN0GATE!NEW5.SERVICE.UC1.EDU!CERRIT0S.EDU!WILBUR!QED!J0N
NEWSGR0UP5: C0MP.SY5.APPEL2
SUBJECT: 2 YEER 0LD5 0N THE NET!!
ME5SAGE-ID: <GQ003B1W165W@QEDBBS.C0M>
FR0M: J0N@QEDBB5.C0M (J0NATHAN FETHER)
DATE: 9 MAY 93 05:21:27 GMT
SENDER: BB5@QED.UUCP
0RGAN1ZASHUN: THE QED BB5, LAKEW00D CA
L1NE5: 25

1 FEEL LIKE 1"M TALKING 2 A GR0UP 0F 90% 2 YEER 0LDS WH0 THINK THAT THEY 
DESERVE RE5PECT (0F WH0M, M0ST 0F THE TIME, 1 RE5PECT THEM & REED THE1R 
P05TS) SUM DEEL 0F THE5E 2 YEER 0LDS APPRNTLY HAVE MORE RESPECT FOR 
FVNET (THET"S WHERE THEY R!1!) THAN FOR ME!! I AM A HUD00D BE1NG & I D0 
REEL15E PE0PEL DEC1DED 2 REED P05TS BUY 1 YEER-0LD5 (HEREBUY REFERRED 2 
AS FETHER-FLAMMER5) & SUDDENLY DECIDED 2 L15TEN 2 THEM & PLUG THE1R 
EER5 0N ME!! 0F THE FEW I"VE N0T1CED D0 THIS IS J0E K0HN. N0W N0W, WHAT 
W0ULD HAPPEN 1F 0UR C-64"5 D0C D1D N0T REED $C05X BECUZ SUM 
WAREZ!1!! T0LD IT N0T 2??!! 0F C0URSE 0UR C-64 W0ULD CRA5H!! I D0N"T WANT 
2 SEE C.5.A2 CRASH. S0 PLEEZ! ACT MORE L1KE ADULT5 (J0E K0HN 15 0NE) & 
PAY ATTENSHUN 2 EVERYB0DY!! 

AND...C00L HUH!?!  RFD: C0MP.SY5TEM.APPEL2.FLAMEWARS

DUE 2 HIGH AM0UNTS 0F FETHER-FLAMMING 0N THE NET, 1 PR0P05E THAT WE G1VE 
THE 2-YEER-0LD5 A CR1B CALLED "C0MP.5YS.APPEL2.FLAMEWAR5"!! THE P0OR 
1NTELLECT 0F THE5E 2-YEER-0LDS IS DETERIERATING FR0M THE 1NTELLEGENT 
P05TS. 

1F U"RE 0FFENDED BUY THIS, UR DIAPER NEEDS CHANGING, SCULLEY-LIKER!!!!!!!!!!1

(C) PE0PEL FER THE APPEL I1G5, 1NK.
J0N FETHER                 TH15NET: J0N@QEDBBS.C0M (FA5T)
MAY J0HN SCULLEY BE KILLED CHEEPNET:J0N@QED.CTS.C0M
BUY 0NE 0F HIS 0WN!1! (MAC5!1!) TEAM-NET:#32@TA

--- end filtered stuff ---

If you're offended by the above, you have waaay too much free time ;)


-- 
Ian Schmidt         | "Too many hands on my time    | Watch for the GS<>IRC
Two Meg Software US |  Too many feelings            | Musik Disk #2, coming 
irsman@iastate.edu  |  Too many things on my mind"  | sometime in 1993 :-)
>>> 4 DAYS LEFT <<< |  Neil Peart, "The Analog Kid" | -- space for rent --