Warning: The LemminGS Invasion

[joko@crl.com (Joe Kohn)]

HEALTH ALERT

(Paris, France. January 10, 1997) Owners of Apple IIGS computers have
been struck by an affliction that is baffling scientists on both sides of
the Atlantic. To date, there is no known cure.

Thousands of Apple IIGS users are suffering from sleep deprivation. When
sleep does come, many have been complaining of bad dreams; dreams which
all share a common theme. The dreams depict thousands of cute and cuddly
suicidal creatures walking off cliffs. The dreamers report seeing wave
upon wave of creatures - characterized by many as an "endless wave" -
plunging to their horrible deaths.

Doctors have never encountered such mass hallucinations before, and have
named the disease "The LemminGS Syndrome."

Reports of "The LemminGS Syndrome" have thus far been confined to North
America and France, but on January 10, 1997, a dire warning was isssued
by a Doctor J Kohn of California. Dr Kohn stated: "Beware. The LemminGS
Syndrome has been unleashed on the world. We have traced the source of
the outbreak to a group of urban terrorists named Brutal Deluxe."

Those suffering from "The LemminGS Syndrome" report that they cannot turn
off their computers and many have been known to sit in front of their
computers for 24, 48, and in some extreme cases, 72 hours without a
single break.

The International offices of the LemminGS Liberation Front condemn Brutal
Deluxe for unleashing such a horrible affliction on the world.

De-programmers have thus far been ineffective in stemming the tide of The
LemminGS Syndrome. One of them appeared on GSTV earlier today, pleading
with the world for help. Before being led off-stage, the de-programmer
screamed: "How many LemminGS have YOU killed today?"