Re: csa2 chronicles

[Steve Sanders <robsan19@popalex1.linknet.net>]

pubpc1@library.ucla.edu wrote:
> 
> As the world turns...activity on comp.sys.apple2 buzzes.  Let's
> drop in and have a look.  Hey, a Macintosh user has just stumbled
> into the newsgroup!
> 
> <Macintosh user>  Hello, can somone tell me how to connect my
>     ImageWriter II?  I have an Apple IIci.
> <Nathan Mates>  Hey bozo, you're posting in the wrong newsgroup.
>     (Nathan takes out his flamethrower...poof, Mac user is dead)
> <User #1>  Hi, I am eight years old looking for help on the Video
>     Overlay Card.
> <Nathan Mates>  Hey kid, don't post until you learn some grammar.
>     (Smokes the kid with his flamethrower)
> <User #2>  AppleWorks doesn't work for me.  It seems like a primitive
>     word processor, but I need a program that shows me the whole page.
>     Will WordPerfect GS work?  Where do I get it?
> <User #3>  WordPerfect GS has full screen preview.
> <User #4>  You need a desktop publishing program like GraphicWriter
>     III.
> <Joe Kohn>  I publish a newsletter with AppleWorks.  It is great
>     if you use it in conjunction with AppleWorks GS.
> <User #5>  Yes, we publish a newsletter with AppleWorks GS.
> <Nathan Mates>  You idiot, no WordPerfect IIe doesn't do full
>     screen zoom.  NO APPLE II PROGRAM DOES!  (Giddily zaps
>     the guy with his flamethrower).
> <Dr. Tom>  Hey, someone wiped my site, Joe did you do that?
>     You said I stole Ms. Pacman.
> <Joe Kohn>  You stole it.
> <Dr. Tom>  No I did not.
> <Joe Kohn>  Yes you did!
> <Dr. Tom>  Did not!
> <Joe Kohn>  Did too!  Excuse me, I have to go to KansasFest.
> <Nathan Mates>  Yo, Turley, don't lie!  (Tries to flame Dr. T).
> <Dr. Tom>  Nanananana!  (Uses his ice gun to neutralize Nate's
>     flamethrower).
> <Nathan Mates>  HEY!  (Starts to flame everyone in sight).
> 
> [For several eons, the land of comp.sys.apple2 is plunged into
> a darkness of fire and ice.  One day, Joe Kohn returns...]
> 
> <User #6>  Nathan, why don't you stop flaming...
> <Nathan Mates>  F*** off pal (smokes the guy) I only flame idiots
>     and liars.  When idiots like Dr. Tom post, we have a license
>     to flame.  It is not just me, Henrik Gudat and Joe Kohn flame
>     everyone too.
> <Joe Kohn>  Hold on, Nathan, I don't flame.  All I did was correct
>     Dr. Tom since he did steal my disks.  That's not flaming.
>     In fact, this flame war has got to stop.
> 
> [With Kohn back and the whole of csa2 behind the quest to stop the
> flame war, Dr. Tom makes an exit.  Nathan Mates sulks away, having
> been told by grownups that he can't play with his flamethrower.
> Herik Gudat returns from vacation and laughs at rumors about his
> demise...]
> 
> <Henrik Gudat>  Has Nathan been telling lies that I left for good?
> <Joe Kohn>  (laugh) Yes, he tried to use you as ammunition for his
>     stupid flame war.
> <Henrik Gudat>  How pathetic.  I'm going to write a program that
>     parodies flamethrowing.  Hopefully, people will realize how
>     stupid it is.
> <User #5>  (runs the software)  Hey this is fun.  "Bozo Gudat"
> <Henrik Gudat>  Here's one "Joe Cob"
> <Joe Kohn>  Cool, can't get enough of it "Bozo"  ;)
> 
> [Nathan Mates, watching this, jumps back in.  Somehow, he has
> gotten hold of some old FAQs]
> 
> <Nathan Mates>  I'm now the god of FAQs!
> <User #5>  What?
> <Nathan Mates>  Trying to flame me, huh (Smokes the guy).
> <User #7>  I thought you agreed not to flame?
> <Nathan Mates>  Hey, the others even have a program to flame,
>     that gives me a LICENSE to do so!
> <User #7>  That's a parody, you fool.
> <Nathan Mates>  DON'T LIE!  (Smoke)
> <Nathan Mates>  People should be made to read my FAQs before they
>     are allowed to post.  Like getting a driver's license.  Bow to
>     the god of FAQs, ME!
> <User #8>  People still drink and drive.
> <User #9>  What's this got to do with the Apple II?
> <Nathan Mates>  Shut up!  (Smoke)
> <User #10>  Hey Nathan, some of the info in the FAQs is wrong.
> <Nathan Mates>  I didn't write them, I'm just god of them!
> <User #10>  So what good is it going to do to make
>     them to read it?
> <Nathan Mates>  DON'T LIE!  (Smokes him with glee!).
> <User #11>  Hello, I am a new user.  I have just heard about an
>     Apple IIgs.  What is it?
> <Tilghman>  It is a computer.
> <Nathan Mates>  Read the reference manuals.  It is NOT JUST A
>     COMPUTER.  It is a 16 bit CPU, Apple II compatible...(proceeds
>     to quote the entire techinical reference manual).
> <Tilghman>  Gee Nathan, I was just simplifying to get the new user
>     started.
> <Nathan Mates>  Simplify my ass, just TELL THE TRUTH!  (Flames
>     the poor guy) ... and let that be a lesson to you all.  Unless
>     you've got a degree in computer science from Cal Tech, don't
>     bother posting here!
> <User #11>  What does all this data mean?
> <Nathan Mates>  Learn to read, fool!  (Flame)
> <User #12>  Help!
> <Nathan Mates>  (Smoke)  Good riddance.  No one looking for help
>     is welcome in this here newsgroup.
> <User #13>  Hello, I'm new...
> <Nathan Mates> (Smoke).  New users are not welcome!
> <User #14>  Is this the...
> <Nathan Mates>  F*** it!  No one is welcome but me!  (Starts to
>     flame the whole csa2.)
> 
> [For eons hence, csa2 looks like Hell with Satan Mates at the helm.
> The old newsgroup burns in a fire of hte as canisters of propane
> fuel his relentless flaming.  "You know I have been stockpiling
> since I wrote my first resume...and I knew how to do it since I
> was a baby!"]Whoever you are, I enjoyed the chronical.

Receiver of a Nathan Flame
Only singed, still kicking, not chased away!